The Hard of Life .... and Death

Life has been pretty hectic in the wake of the tsunami of grief that has been losing my Dad.  I had years to come to terms with sending Home to Jesus but, honestly, my heart wasn't prepared.  I don't think I had any idea how "hard" the hard of life would be until I buried a parent.  I think I have cried almost every day for the past seven month.  Until that season, hard had been the usuals of life - marriage, navigating careers and career changes; finances; raising kids ... you know, the usuals.   And along the way, we said "See you again" to friends who, too, have left for heaven.  Friends who weren't old.  Friends who had left an indelible imprint on our hearts.  Friends who were the family we chose,  And who chose us.

If you know me, even a little, you know - "brave" is not an adjective that can usually be applied to me.  My sons and husbands have moved mountains - literally - to eradicate  crickets, scorpions and snakes from my surround. I know, I know, I live in the desert and this is their home but their home really needs to NOT be in mine.  I have sustained a few traumatic injuries requring medical treatment and my poor husband has been left with imprints in his hands from my terrified grasping at the mention of stitches or worse, surgery.  I. Am not. Brave.  At least - I've never thought of myself as "brave." I'm starting to wonder if maybe I need to change my definition.  

In the season of losing my Dad, I asked so many "show me how to do this. Show me how to keep showing up for life knowing my Dad's is ebbing away.  Show me how to be a part of a club no one ever wants to be part of.  Show me how to love well in the midst of soul-crushing fear and sadness.  Show me how to be brave."  

A few years ago, we received a call that a dear friend had passed unexpectedly on Christmas Day.  Three weeks ago, a friend went to sleep and woke up in arms of Jesus.  10 days ago we learned that a friend who has chosen us time and time again to be her family, is battling cancer and her battle most likely will end with her, too, in the arms of Jesus.  This, Beloved, is the hard of life.  Knowing that death will come and we have to keep living is the hardest part of life.  Marriage, parenting, financial worries, job challenges, managing health and wellness - just life.  Finding "brave" in the midst of the invetability that is death is, I believe, why Jesus told us in the Gospel of John, said "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart! I have overcome the world."  John 16:33 NIV Jesus overcame death so I'm thinkining He knew a little of what he was talking about.  

I was speaking with one of my sons today in the wake of this latest sadness.  He and his wife have recently relocated to North Carolina.  One of the loveliest things is for your sons or daughters to keep navigating life well with their spouse - even if that navigation takes them 2300 miles away.  I know that took bravery.  One of our sons continues to battle emotional and mental health issues.  That takes bravery.  My mom, at 92, is living by herself for the first time ever in her life.  That takes bravery. there are several beautiful people who show up at my gym in wheelchairs - one of whom was in a significant accident that cost him a leg.  That's brave.  And our sweet friend, well, she is taking brave to a whole new level. Webster's Dictionary defines "brave" as "having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear or difficulty."   As I was talking to my son, I pondered if bravery really is understanding that losing ones we love is inevitable.  Continuing to stand up and do life in the hard - that is brave and that maybe - just maybe - I'm braver than I believe.  And maybe you are too.  THAT is certainly my prayer for all of us.  XO A2

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